Tears of Blue Sky

Alone in the darkness, I found out the meaning of my tears,

I stepped out toward the place I wished for, but I don't want to hurt anyone,

Today, the wind that crosses the ocean will blow straight toward tomorrow again,

But why can't my heart start moving?

I wonder that fate awaits me,

I don't want to regret having been born,

There is courage within sadness,

I believe that I can find the light,

Tears of blue sky, still falling,

Someday it will change into a smile.

The wind that I chase after at a fast pace slips through between my fingers,

I'm still afraid to trust, but I will no longer linger,

The moon softly taps my shoulder; the water's surface shows the path of the moon,

It makes me forget that I was confused,

Even if there is nothing waiting for me tomorrow,

I still have hands that can make something,

I can even change the fated path,

Now I build up my strong feelings,

Tears of blue sky, overflowing,

The sky will be clear tomorrow.

I should be able to step toward the path

I've looked up to,

I can go anywhere, as long as I don't lose myself,

The tranquility is what I seek,

for this day reflects the better life I'm shooting to.

I knew I am alone... I'll always be...It's different now...

I thank you for the suppot u guys trying to give... but at times... I think peisun understands how i felt.. Ur sry might mean somethg to me... but sorry... It doesn't work on me... I've receive too much "sorry".. So fake...

Lonely... part of my life... seems to be like a wolf... wandering alone in the forest

searching for partners but find nothin.

Perhaps... I'm wat i am.. ppl cant accept me...

I understand... Mixing with wrong groups, may be?

I still remember the good old days i have with my friends...

but tat was long ago... I dumb those sweet memories into my "rubbish bin".

It's different now...

Alas!! The old cheerful guy has changed into someone serious(i guess)...

Immune to jokes(most of the time)..

Trying to fake his laughters..

To ignore bad times...

Well, it doesn't change him at all!!!

Friends... they only care among themselves,

The rest... i should say, busybody? (u know who u are..)

Prom night wasn't the best thg ever...

It doesnt excite me nor ignite my spirit..,

In fact, think twice, not going's better than going..

I know.. once im there.. i'll be left out.. again..

Since ppl ady doing tis to me in skool,,

I might juz expect the same in prom..

Since i feel like living skool...

I never thought deep bout my friends..

During old crips,

I'll always look forward into coming to skool,

Now..., everything changes..

Supportive or not... I'm expressing myself..

I know a lot of ppl dislike me..

Before i get a post...

i imagine a great num of friends...

But i dun choose tis myself.,

U guys who indirectly forced me to,

Before i agree on taking tis post,

I knew the consequences.. I knew it..

After all, i can afford to lose friends.. rgt?

Oh.. I already lose one of them..

Wat's the diff. losing all?

Perhaps,.. IF im given a new life...

I hope i wouldnt be like tis...

I hope im not being used..

I hope im appreciated...

I hope life would be like a leaf surface..

I hope someone.. somebody will be true to me...

I dreamt often,

dream of ppl around me...

dream of ppl who r good/kind to me..

dream of ppl who are bad to me...

dream of angriness, violent, happy, cheerful,

solemn, cruelty, evil, silence...

dream of all tis thoughts which are still playing

in my mind today.. till now...

One thg one dun understand bout me...

I grew up in a very diff environment...

Im sure its diff from most of u...

I dun get freedom as often i like...

Im tied to rules... discipline...

Maybe a lil' slack here and there...

but still, i'm diff.. ppl dun accept me as who i am.

Anyway, all tis was juz dreams and hopes,

they would never come true...

even they will,

someone muz have started somethg..

I dun believe much on ppl.. wat they say..

they betray their own words...

And my innocent ear believe... Such a fool!!!

From then on, to even trust someone like u guys,

its hard.. although supports are given..

They're all faking it...

But all tis are juz hopes and dreams...

U guys search for fun while i'm still in my cage..

waiting to be released..

Sobbing while delivering tis pathetic message..

I'd never return to reality if i am given a chance..

Ppl in my fantasy world are better than now~~~

Am i not human?

I am very dissapointed by their act as friends....
Why muz i be treated differently? Am i not juz a norm human like u guys?
Why muz i be treated like an alien?!
I came into tis world to seek friendship and peace,
But all i get's destruction and insanity of heart-stabbing attack
from neighbourhood in class!
Now... i could not tell who's my friend and who's not.
Awhile when rain takes it place in tis serenity, i felt like a tiny ant in tis world...
I'm bound into the abyss of sadness..

I dun understand the way of life...
Is treating others good make me someone different?
To me, i personally think tat ppl treat me differently bcoz im being somone different...
Too kind... too good in "proper speech".. bla3...
I am who i am.. for awhile... i thought tat "Am i born to be alone?" I wander....
ME and my friends... like the heavens and hell,.. a chasm separating us...
No wander... It doesnt seems tat wat i've learned so far are false...
It's true tat im not trustable.... as well as others..

I learned tat ppl are not given any chance in life..
Oni God will... but that's in the spiritual world...
Satan's oni target is devouring humans...
Im not gonna fall into his trap..,
juz tat i will remain quite myself...
May be wat MKY said was true...
I am born to be quite and lonely myself...
Friends now are part of my life(u are rgt.. but)...
Friends in college doesnt make any difference at all(at least i hope not)..
I know i cant join u guys in everythg.. not tat im not good at it...
but i am also a boat.. i'm control by a force.. unlike u ppl..
Im also defensive.. I dont come often and join u guys...
I think tat, makes a difference between my world and ur world.

Why me?

Why must u aim at me? Is it becoz u and ur bball robots dislike me(all thx to ur influences). Its ur double-edged sword-like tongue who coz u end up suffering in miseries... not me... nor anyone... U r ditched not becoz of who we r but bcoz of who u r, NOW.... ~~~ Solution is wat u nid... but sincerity is wat WE needed MOST.. Hope u understand... U still have 4 months from now to change... actually. Think bout it.

Spoiled.... "Speeding" in class..

Haih... u guys shouldnt have "speed" in class so much... nanti terLanggar in SPM baru tau...


haih... ah ling!! Y u appear in my group.?. such a spoiler///... XD


Still, ur xpression dint convince me.... u should do wat u say yesterday.... Kip ur words pls~ If u dun wanna lose... any friend of urs... unless u're using us.... me... then... u think urself... i know my primary and secondary cant blend together... but still... i'm learning how to let thgs pass.... we'll talk more... maybe today... not every1 will act like me.. (u know wat i'm saying IF u read tis.)


Hmm... i see he's spoiling u as well... watch out!!! Hisses everywhere......


Hey sam, i'll try to help him... but not too close... ok? hope u accept tis idea of mine.... Well, i guess he dun wanna be too close either. Noe?

Way to Go!!!

Today... very funny.... We tumpang Zhanhong's car to his hse then to tuition... Well, report card day wasn't tat bad for me after all... For this time... Oh ya... Now we(Ivan, me, Keeyi and jeremy) know where Zhanhong stay liao... hehehe... and we also expect the unexpected.

When we reach there, we play PS2, keeyi as usual... WonderGirls 1st. Oh... i finally get to listen to wonder girls' "nobody" song. quite nice... at least, not like wat i've imagine earlier... based on his singing. Lolx.

We played lots of games, including Naruto(I always win), Bleach(haih.. I taught keeyi well till he beat Ivan), Dragonball(master Jeremy) and football(Zhanhong-2;Jeremy-1) -> suppose Jer win but i dunno... Well, u should see how Jer's face lks like... Serious weh!!!

Then, at 1.30pm, Zhanhong said it's time to leave... guess wat??? Ivan and keeyi said "one more match" on the Bleach game. Pity him... He's late to tuition... thx to Mr.W.Girls and Mr.Perasan. Surprizingly, Kyeli oso going to tuition, summore same subject... She's oso late. Haha!!! so ngam!! So, he got teman lo... IF not her, i dun think Zhanhong will go... He might as well join us in Wong Si Nai. >>skip>>skip>>skip>> After finishing our food, we head to Newplus and wait for keeyi to go LRT(heng dai ma. Lol.)

Oh... be4 this, Ivan's having his short nap in Wong Si Nai. Everyone eat till like so cham... Coz full liao(coz we ate ivan's breads... uhmm.. sounds wrong??) Then, we head straight to Martin, Sejarah-Salihah. Whoa!!! I'm like dying slowly in the class... Can u imagine?? She's teaching bout economic? FELDA, FELCRA, MARA, RIDA... blablabla... Guess wat? Salihah saw Ivan sleeping... So, ivan, for the 2nd time kena quiz... Hehe.

>>skip>>skip>>skip>>

Yay!!! Time to go back!!! I felt like i've revived from death... Fiuhh~ But hor, me and ivan sakit perut later... I think i ate too much of the mentos ivan bought....its like drugs u see... to prevent me from sleeping... or i'll end up like sleeping beauty... bound in dreams forever.. HAHAHA!!(so funny..) Alrighty!! I'll have to end here. More updates coming...(i hope so...)

What a morning "glory"...

Today... early in the morning... i went to skool and got everybody's face sad... Guess wat? I started with our library's honorable punishment.. the Librarian Community Service(LCS)... Here, i would like to apologize to these few ppl... Not tat i'm mean... i'm juz being "cold"... after the incident... By the way... following up will be warning letters, ya?

1. Joey(sry gal.... gotta be strict a bit... u gotta rememba to pass me the letter nex time..)

2. Nikhita(not tat i'm mean... i did advised u to give me a letter.. u din..)

3. Gaaya("bagus".. nvr even see u for weeks!)

4. To others: U guys deserved it... for not coming for duties....

Well, at least u can say tat Derrick.. H.O.Discipline is doing his responsibilities. Or else, u dun wan me to sit and shake my leg.. Do ya?