How Brother?? Should I go or Not??? Undecided.. and Xwelcome....

I dunno whether to go or not, I’m undecided and not firm,
Although people want me to go… but in my mind there was always…
Always something to block my mind… a few reasons…
Maybe it’s b’coz of points, it maybe coz of friendship,
Anyhow, I dun think it’s bout friendship…

Sometimes I did like to feel the warmth talking to you… or vice versa,
But… the answer is way too early..
It makes me feel guilty, depressed for wasting your time asking me to join,
What if I dun go? Will that make a difference from today?
Will you guys treat me better? For now you say I nid to social,
Then, next you will be busy, not you alone, everybody…

But I’m like sooo useless… can say soo.. I feel too.. I dunno bout you..
Not tat I dun social, but there’s something.. a great shadow.. an invincible wall…
Blocking my every single sense… Make me feel lonely and to the worst, numb,
Numb in everything, socializing, having fun, make me stressed up, boring,
not happy with things happening around me,
I felt like I’m breaking down.. as if I’m dead like corpse,
I felt like I’m not welcome here.. in this society, in this world..
Since small, young, till now.. Things are getting dull.. No more conductor..
Only insulator remains.. Btw, friends also going to be my insulator of life soon.. or I hope not,

Not like I like things to go this way.. But I’m born like this..
And probably this is the way God wans me to walk,
Even if I were to go to the camp, I might act as if nothing happens, just join,
I always try to make others happy, but I got the bad thing in return,
Why is tat so unfair? This society… full of mysteries and complications… Why?!
What other comforting words can I hear? Besides, only The LORD can saves me…